Shall We Dance?

It happens to so many nonprofit executives and their board chairs – the stepping on each other’s toes, the tap dancing around issues, or being so out of sync that no one realizes there’s any sort of dance in progress, let alone who’s leading.

The bruised knees, toes, and egos are inevitable when one or the other partner hogs the spotlight.

It’s not about being the winning soloist on So You Think You Can Dance; it’s about being the winning pair on Dancing with the Stars. The best partnerships move as one, not as two dancers trying to outshine each other.

Like any relationship, knowing when to lead and when to follow is one of the many secrets to success and an elusive goal for many.

The best-performing pairs know that the art of partnership is creative and grounded in craft and discipline.

Strong partnerships don’t just happen — they’re built through intentional habits. Here are some of the core practices I’ve seen that make the biggest difference:

• Regular check-ins with clear agendas. The best figure out how to show up regularly to practice together. Check-ins are the barre work upon which a strong practice evolves. They set the stage for managing ongoing updates, generative conversations, and long-term planning.

• Goal sharing. Strong partners agree on the choreography before the music starts and the key themes and motifs that will drive the work of the partnership and organization this week, this month, and this year.

• Feedback and Appreciation. Of course, even the best choreography benefits from thoughtful input. Strong partnerships require each member to show up fully for their partner. Just like in rehearsal, notes from your partner make the final performance stronger. Regular communication about where each partner is performing well and where there is opportunity to grow to a new level is vital. What we see in the mirror is our interpretation—the honest reflection of our partner ensures that we test those assumptions.

• Annual planning. Even the most well-rehearsed routines require regular review and adjustment. Strong partners choreograph the season ahead, identifying the goals, objectives, strategies, and tactics that will generate stellar organizational performance.

• Shared Reflection. And when the tempo changes mid-performance, flexibility matters. The executive director/board chair partnership is the workshop for deciding the choreography, refining your moves, and spotting possible missteps. For nonprofit partnerships this is about deciding whether issues are fiduciary, strategic, or generative as well as whether undertakings fall under governance, management, or a blend of both.

• Shared Learning. Great dancers never stop taking class and learning from other great dancers; great leaders do the same. Board chairs regularly convene with other board chairs, and executive directors do the same with other executive directors. Together, they stay in touch with the promising practices and latest developments in governance and consider how to incorporate those into the organization’s work.

Great partnerships put in the work to reap the rewards that come with consistent practice and attention to detail. Every rehearsal and performance won’t be magical, but likely none will be without these routines in place.

The art of partnership – the creative approaches, solutions, and moments of inspiration – will improve governance and deepen the relationship between board and staff. For those moments of inspiration to appear, you need to practice your craft with an open mindset – not just go through the motions.

Here are some ways I have seen great pairs work together and some recommendations from my own experience:

• See It as a Partnership First. A strong partnership enables each person to achieve their personal goals while also uplifting their partner. Success doesn’t come from stealing the spotlight, but from learning to move in step with one another.

• Practice Your Routine (and Know When to Improvise). Experienced board chairs and executive directors have established agendas and a clear plan for board meetings, including how they will pass the flaming baton between each other during the meeting. No matter how clear you are or how much you rehearse, something will go wrong once you are in the meeting. The better you know the plan and are in sync with one another, the easier it will be to freestyle your way out of that moment.

• Know Your Part and Share the Stage. Remember that whoever leads in any given situation is only the outline of a routine. We all know that the board chair leads on governance matters, and the executive director leads on management matters. It’s how you manage the many situations that have elements of both that make the great partners great. The best partners avoid upstaging, giving each other center stage when it belongs to them without missing a beat.

• Remember That You Have an Audience. You are never just performing for yourselves —your duet sets the tone for the entire ensemble. The board and staff take their cues from the executive director and board chair. Be sure to model the type of partnership that you want to see board and staff enjoy.

• Don’t Overthink Each Step. The best partnerships look seamless despite all the sweat and miscalculations we know happen during rehearsal. Trust muscle memory—what you practice offstage shows up onstage without your agonizing over each step. If it looks like work, you may be discouraging other board members from wanting to take the chair role on in the future (or your own team from embracing its work with the board).

• Keep Learning – Together. Wouldn’t it be nice if every board chair or executive director came with a “Dancing with the Stars” pro as a partner? More often, it’s two promising contestants—at least one of whom is trying this dance for the first time. That’s why great pairs invest in learning.

Take a class. Learn from other board chairs and executive directors. Join BoardSource. Hire an experienced nonprofit coach. The best dancers — and the best leaders — never stop training. Behind every seamless pas de deux is a commitment to feedback, reflection, and growth.

Even when things are going well, the strongest partners keep asking: How can we get better? That mindset translates directly into greater impact, a stronger board, and long-term sustainability.

The partnership between the executive director and the board chair doesn’t come with bright lights and sequined costumes, but it can inspire commitment and action for all who see it in action.

If you’re ready to build a stronger organization by fine-tuning the dance between board chair and executive director, drop me a note at gary@garybagley.com or DM me on LinkedIn. Let’s step onto the floor — together.